I look like a matryoshka doll...

*Warning: This post is about as far away as you can get from the subject of writing*

I've had a body image issue ever since I can remember. I grew up close to some cousins that, by all accounts, have always been the most beautiful women I've known personally. I remember at about 10 going to their house and playing dress up just to end the day in tears because I wasn't as beautiful as them. It wasn't there fault, they never even noticed my body, but I did, and I could never be as beautiful as they were.

When I was in college, I did the anorexic thing. I had a system and a goal. Systematically, I'd eat 1/4th of a meal every other day. My goal was to lie in the tanning bed and have my hip bones protrude. I succeeded there, for a while. I had this mentality that I had to do it all or nothing, so when I was dieting, it was starving. When I was off a diet, I was gorging. It's a vicious cycle. But not nearly as vicious as the one where I hated my body.

My entire life I can remember hating my body... thinking I'd be perfect if I could just lose ___lbs. Most of my adult life I wavered on 130. But when I was 130 I wished I weighed 120. About six months ago I decided I was going to let go. I was going to stop treating myself like this and measuring myself and trying to keep doing better... I now weigh over 150lbs and I hate it. Now I just WISH I could be 130lbs. How stupid, right?

I'm so tired of this cycle. I'm trying to lose weight but I'm so dissatisfied with myself and so disgusted and so discouraged! Where does it all end? It ends right here... www.mybodygallery.com

Studies in the past have proven that many women-- especially those with body image issues-- have a distorted view of what they look like. And they feel themselves alone in the fight against body fat or in the fight against themselves. This is a website where you can see pictures of women who have your same shape, weight and height and get a true idea of what you look like. You can read stories of other women's' successes and failures, struggles and shortcomings. It's not exactly a plan or a step, but it's a glimpse over a new horizon where your self image can finally reflect your true image.